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first thing first; i miss my ruby red hair. forced to dye black back cos school reopen soon. great, i dyed like 6 hrs before to school. lol. ask you, if school allow us to wear any variety colour of hair clips, hair band, socks and whatever, why can't they (as in teacher or principal) allow us to dye hair in school?? SO UNFAIR RIGHTTT!



hows your life recently? mine been getting good. maybe i got few reasons why i didn't update for sometime.

mmm well, last week i faced the hardest part of my entire life. i almost lost someone i truely love. v-e-r-y hard for me to move on without him. i have his heart. he's my everything and like a tattoo to me. i was the stupidest girl who let him go. i made decision by following my feelings but not from my heart. BUT EVERYTHING IS NOT OVER YET, as what i thought it would be...

2 weeks ago i was fucking pissed off;

1] kinda fight with my work friend. and he driving me nuts. how i wish i could punch him in the face.

2] when i told him i was angry at work, he told me what's over, just leave it.

3] and again, i get pissed off. i thought he don't willing to listen. i just want someone to be there for me.. what he meant was, JUST FORGET IT AND DON'T THINK TOO MUCH ABOUT IT. but i refused and stubborn..

sometimes, i can't control my emotional and temper. when i started to mood swing, he was always the so called "victim". i really don't mean to hurt his feelings. it just hurts me when i see him in the pain.

on Monday he asked me twice if i really want that decision. which was.... separate ways. i thought it wasn't not over yet but sadly it is. i cried the whole night include the next day morning. it was a horrible day for me.

we become 'friends' on that time. BUT STILL I DON'T TREAT HIM LIKE A FRIEND AT ALL!

i was really lucky to have him in my life. he never stop being so patient to me. he still contact with me eventho on that time of period we are not together. hes just too good to me. i just can't believe everything was gone like that. i regret and suffer, a lot. now i know how far he go. decide to make a promise to myself, i won't leave him alone. no matter what i still want to be by his side.

thank God i still have my wonderful friends who were there for me when i wasn't in the good condition. grandma was there too. i'm very grateful. they encourage me to move on, be strong, be patient, don't think too much, never give up easily, keep on waiting and more. it just so nice of them. even azli notice there was something wrong with me before he knew everything. aww.

on the third night of our break up, i went to zhenghua park for some special reasons. walked alone during the empty night and everything there reminds me of him. i called him. he asked me where was i. i answered, "the place where we used to moon tanning, walked during the silent night and when i ride bicycle with you." tears just can't stop.. that memory is still the sweetest.

next morning i never fail to look at my hp. hoping to receive text or calls from him. when i think about it, why not i make the first move instead of waiting.

i texted, "i miss you everyday. i really love you. i was lucky having you in my life. now i lost the love that i've found. you're still my life and everything.. i'm sorry :("

"define everything" he said. guess what? to your surprise, i texted him 7 TEXTS IN ONE SHOT. which of course i will not say it all here cos it's goddamn long.

thursday night, i listened to my mp3 before to bed. he called me at 12.21am!! shocked and wondered. i picked up his call. talked most of the time about us and he told me the truth and all. "friends doesn't exist anymore" i was like omgomg seriously???!! the happiest night!! i knew he's still into me as much i'm into him so deeply. i couldn't stop smiling like a freak. heee. met him after that.

if it wasn't my friends who encourage me, i wouldn't be like this. THANK YOU FRIENDS FOR PUTTING MUCH EFFORT TO MAKE ME BETTER ESPECIALLY NUR FITRI HAREEN!! deeply appreciate of your kindness :D

i've learn alot through out the break up, he make me realize all of my mistakes, he taught me to be strong and he have shown me hows life without him. i love him with my whole heart. he mean a lot to me. i will never ever let him go again, i promise you this.

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